Panda Log

2003-02-05T08:04:00.000-08:00

A new day, a new bathroom fan. Our land(slum)lord finally fixed all of the broken stuff in our apartment. Of course that doesn't redeem him any. He's still a jackass.

In our trio of recently reformed non-smokers, one of our trio has slipped into that smoke ring of cancerous hell. It's not me if that's what your thinking about. I am proud to say that I haven't bought one single pack of cigarettes for a whole month. Do I still smoke though? Occasionally yes. There's no harm in having the occasional smoke, like once every two months or something like that. I am not weak! I can smoke and not have the temptation of buying my own. Will power my friends, the key to success. And shifting your attention to something else. Avoid smoking as much as possible and do something else. Such as drinking. No, I usually like to have a smoke when I drink, so that's out of the question. Smoke weed, well a smoke is nice after that too. And after sex. And after a long day at work or doing a project. Bah! I can't do anything anymore without the thought of cigarettes at the back of my mind. The "out of sight, out of mind" idea, as I just demonstrated, is A LOAD OF CRAP. Smoke all you want, cancer junkies! Since you can never get rid of the pleasing memory that cigarettes associate themselves with.

2003-01-22T08:13:00.000-08:00

I just have a few minutes to kill so I'll keep this short. I don't kow why I stil keep this silly thing. Keeping this blog is like a killer not disposing of the evidence afterwards. I don't like leaving a trail of all my wheelings and dealings. But once you get busted, like I have, I suppose that having evidence kicking around is not all that important.

2003-01-16T10:33:00.000-08:00

I decided to continue to use this blog, even though I'm certain that nobody that I know is still reading what I write. Basically then I'm just talking to myself. Nothing new there. What's new then? I live in a slum with my boyfriend and my good buddy, I'm still being screwed over by this blasted school (even thought I'm doing much better than I did last year, funny how things like that happen after you eliminate alcohol from you daily routine), and our slum landlord is giving us problems. I wouldn't say that our living establishment is in shambles but there are some important things, such as a fire detector, that we lack in our house. I don't know why he doesn't fix those things, perhaps all of the establishments that he owns he wishes for all of them to be in the same living standards as places in his native Pakistan. Perhaps that was a bit harsh, well if you don't like it-fuck you. I feel like saying that because he doesn't respect us, so I feel like reciprocating the lack of respect. bah!

2003-01-07T09:52:00.000-08:00

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

2002-04-14T18:38:00.000-07:00

Panda's Old Fashioned top 5 Lists
Today's List

Five Rock Stars I'd like to shag

#1-Jay Kay of Jamiroquai- Jay likes to dance and so do I....I wonder what other moves he likes to try?

#2-Liam Gallagher of Oasis- There's something about a man who's angry at everything including his brother....I know he's not angry at me so one thing could lead to an other.

#3-Remy Shand-He's not rock but he definitely grooves....if the opportunity ever came up I would not resist his moves.

#4-Scott Weiland of Stone Temple Pilots-He may have his addictions here and there....I'd let him touch me anytime, anyplace anywhere.

#5-Darren Hayes-My guilty pleasure from down under....if only he could take me down under the cover.

2002-02-01T11:15:00.000-08:00

wow, I haven't written anything in here for over two months. But there's not that much news to tell, pretty much the same old thing. Not going to all of my classes, taking a huge amout of drugs. Wasting my time. It's great. Actually right now I'm waiting for my laundry to dry. I'm sorry if my life doesn't sound that exciting any more but it just isn't and I can't help that. The latest news is that I bought a pipe. It's a good pipe, and it's not for smoking tobacco. I call it the "blue bomber". I like it. Any way that's it. Fuck off.

2001-11-29T12:49:00.000-08:00

I am 51% Grunge.

I am pretty dirty, all right and, I reek of teen spirit... I would sell my own children for a moldy hotpocket, man.

Take the Grunge Test at Fuali.com!

2001-11-28T10:30:00.000-08:00

Adventures with St. Thomas

I should be at a pointless class right now, but like i say, It's pointless. So what's the point in going? Back to life. I enjoy life because weird things tend to happen. Take last weekend for example. I was minding my own business taking my evening constituional around the campus with a cigarette in hand. I sit down in this ampitheatre thing that they have outside of the professional studies building to finish off my smoke. Not long after I finish, a smiling young man walks by me and asks, "Comment ca va?" Of course I answer back in French "Ca va bien", all the while thinking how strange it was for someone around these parts to start a conversation in French. He asks me how I came about learning French, telling him that my mom started my learning. He told me that he had spent his weekend in Rogersville at the "trappistines" (monastaries) studying French with monks. All the while I was thinking of an excuse on how to get away from him. Then he asks me what I was thinking about. It was none of his business anyway but I tell him the partial truth that I was thinking about a lot of things, then suddenly I get the idea that I have to go to do some homework. Homework! The ultimate excuse for a student! I tell him that I was thinking about leaving soon because I had to do homework! He picked up a brick that was loose beside him saying "a souvenir from St. Thomas!" Great. I didn't realise this until now but when he started moving slowly towards me, he had this brick in his hand. He came over to me an introduced himself as Aaron but he was wearing this jacket that had the name "Marc" on the sleeve that I noticed when I shook his hand. Okay, time to go. I tell him that I have to leave to start on that homework that I was thinking about. As I was leaving, he asked me what I was studying. Of course I wasn't going to give him too much info so I told him I didn't know. With referring to my pensive mood when he saw me, he replies (in French) "you should study philosophy!" Yeah, whatever...keep walking. I managed to get away without introducing myself which I'm surprised that I did because when I meet new people I tend to be friendly and tell them my name and maybe a short history about myself. This guy was weird. I assumed that he perhaps thought highly of himself because I presume that he was trying to show off or impress me when he started talking to me in French. I guess I ruined his plans when I answered him back in the same language. Well welcome to Canada where a good deal of the population speak more than one language. I can't imagine what might of happened if I didn't know French. He might have offered to teach me or something. Since he was with monks, I guess he was one of those guys who were intent on trying to be a priest (my friend's roomate was at the same monastary that weekend. He's also studying to be a priest). I say trying because guys who study to be priests seem to have this vibe that they think they are superior than those who are not studying to be one. This is from obervation of my friend's roomate. Perhaps it's not a mailcious feeling to them, but it's just this whole vibe that they are so intent on saving everyone from whatever. That they were chosen to save. Maybe in this case there was more chivalrous overtones, which was my first impression after I walked away from this guy. He was trying to save the depressed damsel in distress. That made annoyed because I was in a serious track of thought which I could only achieve being outside, and this guy comes by and imposes "I'm so good because I'm chosen, let me help you" vibe. One rule with me, NEVER DISTURB ME WHEN I AM IN DEEP THOUGHT. That gets me so pissed off, you would not believe. I hate it when my roomate does it. And she does it often. This guy must have really made me made because look how long this blog is. Exhibit A your honor on how not to disturb me when I am in thought.

2001-11-27T08:16:00.000-08:00

I am proud of this one.

I am 56% Raver.

I may not be freaky like those Candy Kids, but I do know how to party. I am well connected in the scene, but may be getting a little tired of it.

Take the RAVER Test at Fuali.com!

2001-11-27T07:52:00.000-08:00

I see that I have not written in this blog for about 12 days. And there is a good reason for it. I was dead. Really. Dead. Gone. I overdosed on mescaline and died on the way to the hospital. I was leagally dead for 12 days. Not really. I mean I would have started to decompose after 12 days. But of course you knew that, I hope. Don't overdose on drugs and expect to come back after 12 days, it just doesn't happen. Dead's dead and that's that. Anyway lets more on to more important things then my untimely death. I can't wait until the Lord of the Rings film comes out in December. I just finished watching the new trailer and it looks fantastic. I like this secret santa thing that our house is doing for Christmas. I mean who wouldn't love to get a present on your door step every morning for a week? It also gives me an excuse to go shopping and inevitably lose all my money. So the people who get presents from me better LOVE them or the angry fist of Christmas gloom is going to whomp their ass back to the north pole. It's not just crap that they're gettting, it's crap that was hand picked out by me. Speaking of snow from the north pole, I had some cocaine not too long ago. mmmmmmmmmm........... Cocaine makes you lose all attention. hey look there's a cat outside. Oh, wait it's just one of my professors. What? What was I talking about? Oh yes, how I defeated the great wonder fish. the trick is see, to answer its riddles with riddles, then it becomes confused. I feel like playing a game of find the fish. Or a game of hide-and-go-fuck-yourself, one of the two, either sounds entertaining.

2001-11-27T07:18:00.000-08:00

I just lost a really good blog!!!!!!!!!!

2001-11-15T09:52:00.000-08:00

With the advice (nagging) from some of my friends, I will try to keep more up to date with this blog. I'm much more calm today. I skipped my anthropology class to sleep more and have a nice hot shower. And it was good. Every time I minimize this page, the little window in the start menu bar says "edit your blog Panda". Even the computer is urging me to write. So I will write. University doesn't seem like the place for me. I much prefer living on my own rather than with someone I don't know. I just remembered I missed an important production meeting today. Yes ladies and gentlemen, I am real professional. Oh well, it's not like I was planning to do stage managing as a career anyway. I'm suprised at how many times I end up not giving a fuck about certain things. I should head down to the art gallery one of these days and just stay there the whole day. That would be great. Maybe I'll do that on Saturday. Oh my life is so plain. I should make an other list or something.

2001-11-14T17:39:00.000-08:00

Well I'm not in Hell per say, but I'm at Unversity which is close enough. Instead of a list I am now going to proceed by venting my anger. I hate irony. I was the one who would suddenly abandon my roomate to go do something else more productive. But today she is the one who has ditched me to go have fun with my friends. I' ve actually accepted that. I' ve been a bitch to her so she can be one to me. Fair is fair. I'm not mad that she ditched me, it's the people that she left with that I'm mad at. They say that they don't like her but they let her stick around anyway. Only a few of my compatriots have actually told her off. I' ve even told her off sometimes but in very subtle ways. Such as when my friends and I laugh at her for some reason, she asks if we were talking about her in a very annoying tone of voice. In response I would say in a sarcastic manner "Yes, we were talking about you. In fact we only talk about you. NOTHING ELSE BUT YOU 24/7." She gets me with irony, I get her with sarcasm.

2001-11-12T09:06:00.000-08:00

Hi,
I have no list for you today because I am a lazy, lazy person. But you just wait, There'll be a list of such gigantic and monumentous importance that it will be just as significant as the ten commandments. I wonder if there is a joke Bible out there. You know, the one where Jesus goes crazy and thinks he's the son of God. Oh wait, that's the actual Bible...I'm going to Hell aren't I?

2001-11-10T11:17:00.000-08:00

Panda's Old Fashioned top 5 Lists
Today's List

The top 5 animals I find amusing.

#1-The Sloth- I model my whole image around the sloth. I move slowly sometimes. But it's just the fact that I find amusement with the thought that the sloth might spring out of his slow, docile nature and suddenly freak out on other animals. I believe that. Really.

#2-The Lemur- Just saying the name of this animal gives me great pleasure. Just say the word-LLLEEEEEEMMMUUUUUURRRR......They have these huge eyes that make them look like they're on crack. Maybe that's why I like them so much. Everything always narrows down to crack for me.

#3-The Panda- Of course I would have my name sake on the list. Pandas do make me laugh though. They waddle when they walk and they have the wussiest grunt of all the bears. They look and sound like they're drunk. They remind me alot of me.

#4-The Jesus Lizard- I have no idea what the other name of this lizard is but this is the one that walks on water, hence the name "Jesus" lizard. This animal is funny for two reasons, one because of its crazy ability to walk on water, and two because it seems sacreilgious to call this thing a "Jesus" lizard. I walk on water too but I don't call myself Jesus.

#5-My dog- My dog's name is Buster. There are times where I think that Buster must be mentally challenged. Such as the time when he ran into a wall, or when he sneezes, he slams his nose on the floor, or when those squirrels were teasing him around his dog house and he couldn't do anything about it because they could run swiftly and climb trees, somethings Buster is unequiped to do. My dog is quite dumb. I tried to teach him tricks when he was younger, but that didn't turn out well at all. He's cute though. At least he has that going for him.

2001-11-09T19:07:00.000-08:00

Here's an other of my lists....Get ready...

Panda's Old Fashioned top 5 Lists
Today's list

The top 5 celebrities that annoy me (this is going to be a long list).

#1-Oprah-You know you'r a big celebrity when nobody even uses you last name anymore. In short, the reason why I hate Oprah is because she's a manbeast. She consumes and consumes (mostly money, food and maybe the occasional man). She bothers me. She has her own magazine where she's on the cover for every issue ( which is bad because she's not that attractive). What really bothers me is that she tries to hide her megalomania by enforcing the fact that she is like everyone else. No you're not Oprah, no you're way too rich to be normal.

#2-Rosie O'Donnell- She's just the caucasian version of Oprah. If Rosie and Oprah were to meld into one form, that beast would be known as Roprahsie, the mega-man/child eating beast. Rosie bugs me in short because she's a loud, annoying woman who can't get any. Thank God she has adopted kids because I wouldn't want her genes wandering around the world. She had like 4 kids at one time and then one day she had 3. What happened to the other one? My friends and I swore that she must have eaten one of them since it's in her nature and all.

#3-Kathie Lee Gifford- Oh Jesus, don't get me started on this woman. The first thing I'd like to say to Kathie is that sweat shops came out of style at the end of the 19th century. She talks about her kids too damn much (something her and Rosie share in common. Oprah dosen't have kids because she's too rich). Who cares about what they said or what time they took a dump. That proves that she dosen't have any personality because all she thinks about is her kids. She's probably going to shoot herself when her kids move out because she'll have nothing to talk about (it's not like her kids are going to call her. If Kathie Lee was my mom I wouldn't want to call her). She is an other example of the loud (an other trait she shares with Oprah and Rosie), annoying manbeasts that I wish would just go away or have a house dropped on them.

#4-Britney Spears/Christina Aguellerra- One of their biggest fans (I just made a pun) is Rosie, all the more reason for me not to like them. I'm sure these girls have a lot of deep insight about the world. Is it just me or did the level of sarcasm just go up in my room? Just an other product of the pop machine. So therefore they're both the same person and therefore they're both on the skanky side. Girls, the underwear is supposed to go underneath your clothes.

#5-Backstreet Boys/'Nsync- One does not come from the backstreets and the other can't spell. Again a productof the pop machine. Although most of the Backstreet fellows are a bit too old to be called "boys". It just seems weird that some 30 year old man has some 12 year old girl calling for his blood. They're like adults playing in the sand box that is pop music, a music genre that is meant for the kids. Doesn't seem wrong for an adult to be playing in a sandbox? Only they're allowed to go into the deep end of this box. You see, these guys like to show some skin as well, which is a trait that I thought only the girls had. But these guys do it too, making them just as sksnky as the girls. If these guys were singing the crap that they sing at my school, they would have the shit kicked out of them.

2001-11-08T09:24:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure if my blog will publish anything anymore so this is just a check.

2001-11-05T19:31:00.000-08:00

Panda's Old Fashioned top 5 Lists
Today's List

Top 5 things I do in class either than actual work.

#1-Draw- This is an activity I do quite often in class. Why am I not in an art class instead of an acedemic class? Because I took a Liberal arts University instead of a Fine arts one. Idiot me thought there might some sort of art club or someting. Now I have to deal with this wretched work. Oppressed under the shakles of learning, I break free by drawing a cat.

#2-Sleep- This is something that I do frequently in my 8:30 a.m classes and my 7:00 p.m classes. Why can't my classes catch me at a time whem I'm awake? Perhaps if I wasn't so burnt out all the time I wouldn't be so tired. But that is the voice of reasoning speaking and as far as I'm aware of, I have no reason. Looks like I'll have to deal with being burnt out. Just call me crispy.

#3-Day dream- This is not quite like sleeping but quite close to it. It's that perpertual state of being asleep and awake and in this limbo, you start to think. I usually think about music and you may see me sway my head back and forth when I do so. I probably look like I have autisim or something.

#4-Talk to my neighbor- I enjoy doing this sometimes. But as oddly as it may seem, I don't like it when my neighbour talks to me first. I always begin the conversation. I think that it has to do with the fact that if someone talks to me first, it may break my intense day dreaming, and I may become really annoyed. Or, I'm really self-involved.

#5-Watch the clock- What ever the professor has to teach me is all well and good, but life is outside.

2001-11-04T08:44:00.000-08:00

Again with the top 5 lists...

Panda's Old Fashioned Top 5 Lists

Today's List

The top 5 things I do on a friday night.

#1-Take Drugs- I try to avoid using chemicals, sticking to "all-natural" drugs, such as marijuana (aka weed, dope, canabis, cheeba etc.), magic mushrooms (or 'shrooms for short), mescaline and I do drink on the occasion. If you have been following my blog you'll see how much drugs I take and in a variety of locations. I'm going to die quicker than the rest of you that's for damn sure.

#2-Steal shopping carts- This is a new activity that my compatriots have began doing. Once we have the cart in our possesion, we find a set of stairs and throw the rickety cart down them. The point of this game is to have the cart land on its wheels. We plan to create a shopping cart pyramid once we obtain enough.

#3-Make fun of my roomate- My roomate tends to be a constant topic amongst my compatriots and myself. I will not delve into why we dislike her so much. If only that gaping hole on her face would just heal over. You mean her mouth? Yes.

#4-Watch Stanley Kubrick films- It doesn't matter if you're on drugs while watching Kubrick or perfectly sober, the films are still fucked up. My personal favorite is "The Shining" only because I've watched it so many times. It's supposed to be suspenseful, but now this film is the most hillarious film to me. Think about it. If you've ever watched the film (or even if you haven't), watch it again and you will see the funny bits.

#5-Make these retarded lists- Seeing that I have no life, this is all I do occasionally . I'm so sad.

2001-11-03T08:04:00.000-08:00

These top 5 lists will appear every now and then...I thought I should try something new. ENJOY!

Panda's old fashionned top 5 lists

Today's list

The top 5 names people call me.

#1-Panda- The origin of this name is derived from a long drama rehearsal. During a break, my fellow cast mates and I were determining which animals we resembled. I ended up looking like a panda to my cast mates. (Better than the director who ended up looking like a peacock).

#2-Bitch- Such a deragotory word. I do get called this as an insult frequently because that is what I am by nature. I insult people, but only because the opportunity presents itself frequently. I'm surrounded by stupid people and they should know when they're being stupid. I get called this as a term of endearment from my best friend. It's as if it is a replacement for my name occasionally.

#3-Ninjabear- An other bear name! This name comes from an SNL sketch that I was trying to re-enact which involved of course, a bear dressed as a ninja "dance-fighting" with some opponents. My compatriots and I watched this sketch after we watched "The Exorcist". I went from Linda Blair to Ninjabear (only people who have seen my friend James and me perform the "Linda Blair Sketch" will understand the above comment).

#4-Muffin- I don't even understand entirely how I got this name myself. I bum cigarettes from this guy and I automatically became his "muffin". You see how I'm surrounded by stupid people. Did these people ever get the bitch treatment.

#5-Jamiroquai- I don't get called this often but it is one of my presonal favorites because I like the band. I have this one outfit, complete with big fuzzy hat and adidas sneakers, that make me resemble the lead singer from the band Jamiroquai. It would make more sense that I should be called Jay Kay instead of Jamiroquai but like I say, I'm surrounded by stupid people.

2001-11-02T07:27:00.000-08:00

With the insistence of my friend Chris, I will now update my damn blog. Seeing how I have a class in a short while, I will make this short and sweet. All I' ve been doing for the past while is studying and getting high on the weekends. In short a normal routine for any university student. But is it a really worth while lifestyle if all you can say about what happened on your weekend is "I don't remember". I know I have a pathetic life because all I have been talking about in these blogs is how I'm ruining my life with drugs. Though being high makes you release the barriers that hold you back and allow you to do stupid things such as running into traffic, stealing shopping carts, having wheelchair jousts, bleaching your hair, sliding down hills on inflatable chairs and such and such. (note I've done almost all of the above examples). I now have great stories to tell at parties. What's that you say? How can I live like this? Well in the metaphorical sense I'm dying so take that Mr. Smart! Besides, the liver and lungs are merely tinkertoys in the human body, I can always get new ones. For now I'm having fun. Well, It's time for a wee nip, and then a wee nap.

2001-09-23T16:09:00.000-07:00

I don't have much to say today except the fact that I love all of you as friends. Because I do not have any since I am an alcoholic. Even my dog doesn't love me anymore. Somebody be my friend. God do I ever sound pathetic.-Panda

2001-09-16T14:37:00.000-07:00

Being drunk and high at the same time can be quite treacherous. As one of my friends pointed out to me during a nature walk, "Being drunk and high is like being on mescaline." And as we all know from "The Matrix", mescaline is "The only way to fly." Truthfully I've never had mescaline so I wouln't be able to tell you any comparisons between the two. But I was flying. And I made sure to document what I was thinking at the time. Perhaps you and I shall deconstruct what i wrote. And here it is, "What ever comes out of this pen, I will have no idea what I have written being on paper will help me. How oddly these poeple seem. I can berely hold my head up and yet the only thing that is holding me up is the pressure of this pen. Apparition come. I think I see people with white shirts they blend in with the wall. What a rush. Not the blood but the actual movement. The sweet song with melding bodies. I just hit myself once again, better than the one who wa dragging me down. I don't even care what i'm called anymore. Tania, Tonya. Fuck off." Lets have a look at this shall we? The first two sentences, i remember berely being able to sit up. So thsoe sentences make some sense. "How oodly these people seem," of course everybody semms odd when your on your own solution to mescaline. "Apparition come," I was listening to Matthew Good Band, the song "Apparitions", that word came up and it stuck in my head. I hate Matthew Good too so I find it strange that I was enjoying it at the time. "I think I see people with white shirts they blend in with the wall," I know that proctors in each residence wear white shirts and the residence has white walls. That explains that. I think the part about me getting "A rush" is from when I actually sat up seeing the "Melding bodies" on someone's bed. "I just hit myself once again" I remember smacking my head on various surfaces that evening. "better than the one who was dragging me down," one of my companions for the night was a girl who could not hold her liquor at all and continuously tried to pull me around the world. That I remember because there were certain points where I just wanted to casually step out of her way and let her fall to the ground with all of her grace. The last few sentences, someone new probably came into my resting area and tried to figure out my name, more than likely in my own sort of social grace, I must have told that person to "Fuck off". Either I said it out loud or just in my book, either way I told someone to "Fuck off". Thus concludes my escapades of that evening. Will I eve get drunk and high again? More than likely. have I learned anything from this? Let annoying drunk girls fall to the ground. I'm all set for the next adventure. Catch ya on the flipside (my attempt to reach out to my hip hop audience).-Panda

2001-09-14T14:05:00.000-07:00

I am about to get completely palstered and before I do, I want to talk to you fine readers for a moment. I am an alcoholic. Not really I just wanted your pity for that moment. But I do drink alcohol in excess. i am usually the person at parties sitting inthe corner with a bottle of booze in a paper bag. Sratch that. I'm not an alcholic. I'm a whino. All the whinos in the house say uuuuggghhhdjslfkjs....... That's me. You never would have thought would you that someone with a gentle name such as Panda would be a raving whino. Excuse me... I just had really funny vision of an actual panda stumbling around drunk. Pandas stumble around anyway so you wouldn't be able to tell if they were drunk or not. Apparently panda bears have smelly foreplay. And I'll leave you with that thought untill next time. 69!

2001-09-13T15:19:00.000-07:00

greetings fellow humans. I of course am not a human. So why did I use the word "fellow"? I'm trying to blend in. Is it working? Well i do fucking hate kermit the frog. I wish that little bastard would pay a visit to France. For those of you uncultured humans, frogs legs is a delicacy in France. you people are so stupid. I don't mean that. you people are lovely. I love you.

2001-08-29T17:38:00.000-07:00

"Did you just call me Kramit?"

2001-08-28T06:22:00.000-07:00

I fucking hate Kermit the frog